This experience was shared by a member* of Rewired - a support group for men who have sex with men and use methamphetamine, run by the NZ Aids Foundation and NZ Drug Foundation.
So basically, I’ve loved drugs all my life.
They’ve been a big part of my life, they’re part of me, really. I’ve also used them very regularly and recreationally since I can remember.
Meth came along, mostly in a sexual setting – always in a sexual setting, really. But I had really easy access to it as well, which didn’t help. It didn’t help anything, or anyone.
Then I met a boy who also really loved meth, and I think we fooled ourselves that we loved each other. So, we both just did a fuck ton of meth together.
Oh, and by the way – I also have a wife. Well, she’s more like a best friend. But I call her my wife.
So, this wife hates this boyfriend, and it’s this battle between them just hating each other all the time. That put a lot of stress and pressure on me that amped up my drug use, it amped up my stress levels, and I was doing drugs with both my wife and boyfriend. All while trying to get by in life as well. So, it was just rather stressful.
So, flash forward. Boyfriend is no longer a thing, but we still see each other.
There was a moment a few weeks ago where it was like a lightning bolt hit me. My ex and I were hanging out and he needed to go and drop his car off at a park, and then we were going to walk back. The park was at his workplace, and he wanted to go slam for the walk back. I was like, that does not sound like fun. And are you fucking nuts? I just said, “no, that’s too far, and I don’t want to do that. We can do as many drugs as you want, wherever, but I’m not gonna do that here”.
That disgusted me enough to sort of take a good look in the mirror.
And then I went to my wife and had a conversation. The conversation resulted in some rules being made and some boundaries being set, and some accountability happening. So, now I have a curfew and have less access to money than I used to.
It’s actually really empowering because it’s me who came up with those rules, and my wife’s just helping me to keep them.
As it stands right now, I don’t even want to think about drugs, let alone go out and take a fuck ton of drugs. I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse. The only way I got there though is through the support of others.
And that’s where I’m at right now.
*Audio recording not their own voice.
For Mental Health Awareness Week, we talked to Phil Glaser, one of the team behind The Level, about how your state of mind has a bigger impact on your trip than you might think.
For Te Wiki o te Reo Māori, we’re highlighting some of the great work that various kaupapa Māori alcohol and other drug support services do throughout the motu. And we’re asking them what kupu (words) best describe their approach.