Having open and honest conversations with a friend or family member who is using drugs can be a powerful way to strengthen your relationship and figure out how to navigate challenges together. 

Talking openly helps you to understand each other’s perspectives, share responsibility for any changes that may be needed, and explore what support could help. 

These conversations often need to happen more than once. Continuing to talk openly and honestly can help you work together to find the best way forward. 

Here are some suggestions on how to prepare for a conversation, explore together, and talk about support options. 

Plan your conversation

A good way to understand what is going on with a loved one’s situation is to have an open and honest conversation with them. Talking about drug use can be difficult, so planning for this conversation can help you feel more confident talking with them. 

If you’re their parent or caregiver, the NZ Drug Foundation’s conversation planner can help you prepare. A lot of the tips can also apply to adults. 

If you’ve already had many of these conversations and want further support, you may like to explore these other options. 

Questions to ask yourself before having the conversation:

  • Am I concerned about something in particular? Or do I just want to understand the situation better?
  • What are my own feelings about the situation? How can I approach the conversation with an open mind?
  • Am I the right person to talk to them, or could they feel more comfortable talking with someone else?  

Tips for the conversation

  • Be open and non-judgmental. This will help them feel more comfortable and make them less likely to feel they need to downplay their use or be dishonest. 
  • Share what you have noticed. You could open a conversation by saying something like “I’ve noticed you’ve acted really differently lately, and I’m worried about you”. 
  • Explore their reasons for use to better understand their perspective. 
  • Avoid saying things like “drugs are bad for you” and “you just shouldn’t do it”. Although these statements come from a good place of wanting to protect them from harm, they don’t make people want to use drugs less - and can often make the person feel that they can’t talk to you honestly about their drug use. You don’t have to pretend you are okay with them using drugs, but it’s important to accept that it is happening. 
  • Check in what they need from you moving forward. If they want extra support, you can help them with that.  Keep in mind that no one can be forced to engage with treatment if they don’t want to, but even if they are not at this stage, there is still a lot they can do to be safer. 

Things you may want to explore

It can be useful to take some time to understand how their drug use is affecting them and the people around them. The support needed can be very different depending on how much their drug use is impacting their life.

Here are some questions that you could explore together: 

  • What do we both feel about what’s happening?
  • Have we noticed any challenges? Here are some things we can explore together (these are common indicators of problems from drug use):
    • Using more than intended or more than they feel comfortable with.
    • Experiencing physical or mental health concerns.
    • Impacts in relationships, study, work, or other activities (e.g. not meeting responsibilities, arguments, giving up other enjoyable activities).
    • Finding it challenging or impossible to cut down or stop.
    • Experiencing strong cravings or urges to use the drug(s) that make it hard not to use it.
    • Needing to use more of the drug to get the same effect as before.
    • Experiencing uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms when taking a break from using the drug.
    • Spending more time getting, using, or recovering from the drug.
    • Using drugs in risky ways or places.
    • Other people being affected from the drug use.
  • Has anyone else shared their thoughts about what’s happening with us? What did they notice and how do we feel about their perspective? 
  • What changes might we hope for?
  • What do we appreciate about each other? 

While exploring together, you might identify that further support could help. You can explore what types of support are available on our support options page. 

There’s also a lot they can do at home, explore our full range of approaches or this page for some specific things they can start with. Or visit Health Point to look for available support in your area. 

Are they just starting to use drugs?

If someone is trying a drug for the first time, they may be relying on friends to guide them and might not know about the things they can do to be safer. It can be useful to check that they have thought through the situation and have a plan in case something goes wrong (including agreeing who they could call).

Visit our Drug information pages for more information about what to expect for specific drugs. You may have also noticed changes in their behaviour or appearance that concerns you. It can be helpful to share what you have noticed, and let them know you care about them.  

Connect them with further support or information

During the conversation, you may both identify things to change. Regardless of whether these are big or small changes, there are helpful resources out there. 

Reflection book 

Our reflection notebook can help a person reflect on their use of drugs and identify if they want to make any changes. It can be a good first step, as it doesn’t require them to leave home or talk to a stranger about what is going on. You can order it for free as a physical version or PDF that you can type into. 

The Level’s guide to cutting down or stopping  

We have a bunch of quick and practical techniques that they can try. These are things they can do by themselves or together with you, including: mindfulness, breathing techniques, managing cravings, planning their day and more. 

Drug information 

They can better understand the drugs they are using, including risks and long-term effects by going through our drug information pages. 

Drug checking 

If they are not specifically looking to cut down or reduce their use, drug checking could be a good option. They can bring their drug in to be tested so they can find out what’s in it, and avoid accidentally taking something else (that could be much stronger or poisonous). Find your nearest drug checking clinic here. Every person that accesses drug checking will also have a harm reduction conversation with the friendly staff which can help them plan out how to be safer and avoid risky behaviours. 

Health Point 

If they want to reduce or stop their drug use, then a treatment service can help them. See Health Point to search for available support in your area and see our support options page to better understand the types of support they could access.